Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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