I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
