you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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