I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
