Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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