I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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