it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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