if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
