How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize