I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
