we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
