what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
