Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
