you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
