She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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