So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
