my shit smells like andre
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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