Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
