We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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