doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
