then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
