we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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