Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
