The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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