real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
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Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
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We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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