I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
