just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize