I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
