I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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