It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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