I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
