Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
