apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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