When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
