i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
