If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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