My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
