last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm having to shit out rocks
PANTIES FOUND
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
