Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
