Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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