If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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