I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
God I need to hump something, right now.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
