I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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