She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
