I could have mohawked her pubes.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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