Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish they made helmets for livers.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
