i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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