No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
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This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am