My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...