I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
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Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape