I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.