Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!