i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
