All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
