If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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