Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
