you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
