omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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