i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
