I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
