So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
