Everything about him screamed your future.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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