you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
