he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
