yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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