Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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