So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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