can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
