We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
